


her heart is broken, her heart is full

by thanku_bess



Category: Madam Secretary
Genre: Miscarriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-13 01:02:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28894827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thanku_bess/pseuds/thanku_bess
Summary: content warning: MiscarriageStevie and Dmitri have the McCords over for family dinner. Takes place after S6.
Relationships: Alison McCord & Stevie McCord, Elizabeth McCord & Stevie McCord, Elizabeth McCord/Henry McCord, Henry McCord & Stevie McCord, Stevie McCord/Dmitri Petrov
Comments: 4
Kudos: 13





	her heart is broken, her heart is full

Elizabeth dried her hands on a soft navy towel. Stevie had decorated the bathroom well. She glanced at herself in the vanity mirror. The first two years in office had aged her, even though Mike B was the only one to tell her that to her face, much to Zach’s horror. Out of curiosity, she opened the cabinet under the sink. Although she raised her kids on the belief that the wet dry vac was the most essential household cleaning item, she wanted to make sure Stevie also had Lysol. Behind neatly stacked rolls of toilet paper, Elizabeth found a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting. She squealed then quickly put the book back where she found it. How far along was Stevie? She was going to be a grandma! She took a breath and hurried back down the stairs. 

"Sorry mom, we didn't wait for you to start eating," Jason said over a mouthful of Thai takeout. 

Henry took in the sneaky smile on his wife's face and glanced at her quizzically. Elizabeth pretended not to notice. 

Ali opened the bottle of wine she brought over and poured herself a glass. "Who wants?" she asked. Stevie held out her glass. "Thanks, Ali."

Elizabeth shot a look at Stevie. 

"What's with the weird look, Mon?" Stevie asked, confused. 

Elizabeth took a sip of her own wine. "Oh, it's nothing. I'm just surprised you're drinking wine."

"Why would that be surprising?"

The family turned to look at Elizabeth, who was twisting noodles around her fork

"You know what, never mind!" Elizabeth replied quickly as she stuffed a bite of food in her mouth. 

Henry looked to Stevie, who seemed to be contemplating something. 

"Mom, did you look in the bathroom cabinet?"

Elizabeth nodded guiltily. 

Dmitri's eyes widened in understanding and he clasped Stevie's hand under the table. 

"I'm not pregnant, Mom."

"Why would mom think you're pregnant, Stevie?"

"Babe, we've talked about snooping around the kids' apartments."

Stevie took a deep breath. "We have a copy of What to Expect When You're Expecting in the bathroom cabinet for when I was pregnant. But I'm not. Anymore." She blinked back tears and got up from the table. Dmitri stood up as well. 

"Please don't follow me," she said softly and left the room. 

He sat back down and felt everyone's eyes on him. He sighed. "We are both very sad that we lost the baby."

Elizabeth reached across the table to take his hand. "Why didn't you tell us?"

"Stevie felt like the news would be a burden. She pleaded with me to wait until she was ready to tell."

"I'm sorry, Dmitri," Ali said softly. 

"Me too," Jason added. 

"I'm going to talk to her," Elizabeth announced. 

*****

Elizabeth found Stevie sitting on her bed with her back to the door, hugging her knees to her chest. She knocked. 

"Can I come in? Elizabeth leaned on the doorframe, waiting to enter until she heard a muffled "yes."

She came to sit next to Stevie on the bed. "Hey baby, I'm so sorry about before. For all of it."

Stevie sniffled. "It's ok, Mom."

"No, it isn't."

They sat in silence for a few moments. 

"Do you want to know why I didn't tell you? It's because I knew how devastated as you'd be. My heart was already broken. I didn't want to break yours too."

Elizabeth swiped at her own tears before cupping Stevie's face in her hands. "Hey, look at me."

Stevie looked at her mother, heartbreak written all over her face. "I am your mom. It is my job, and my honor, to stand by you through everything. You never need to protect me."

"I didn't want to let you down. I already let Dmitri down. And I let myself down."

"You didn't let anybody down. Miscarriages are common. It's not your fault."

"But what if I feel like it is?" Stevie choked out a sob. 

Elizabeth embraced Stevie, her blouse soaking snot and tears. 

Henry appeared in the doorway and rapped lightly on the frame. "Hey, can we switch?" he asked. Elizabeth kissed Stevie on the head and stood from the bed. She squeezed Henry's arm on her way out of the room. 

*****

Downstairs, the kids and Dmitri were finishing dinner. Dmitri was telling them about the time he and Stevie went to a movie with Russell and Carol. "Carol would not let Russell have the popcorn, because of the salt. He tried to steal mine."

Ali giggled. "There's no way Carol let him get away with that."

Elizabeth rejoined them at the table. "Russell is the worst with movies. We watched one at the White House a few weeks ago. Or tried to. He made comments about the plot the entire time."

Henry and Stevie, with red rimmed eyes, returned to the kitchen. Dmitri pulled Stevie onto his lap and stroked her hair. 

"Oh my gosh, are you talking about Russell and movies? He lost movie night privileges after being popcorn thief!" Stevie laughed.

"Ok, speaking of movie food, do you guys have any candy in this apartment?" Ali asked. 

"Not anymore." Stevie turned to Dmitri who looked at everyone sheepishly. "I have a sweet tooth! 

"It's fine, big brother, I'd need to stress eat gummies too if I had to put up with Stevie 24/7" 

"JASON!" 

Stevie rolled her eyes, but was secretly glad her brother wasn't treating her with kid gloves. She didn't want her family to see her as broken just because of the grief she carried. 

"Ali let's just get some froyo for everyone. Dad, are you still laying off the dairy?"

"No, I've embraced it," Henry replied. 

"Yes he is," Elizabeth declared at the same time. 

Ali and Stevie looked to their parents. "All right then.”

*****

In the car on the way to the yogurt place, Ali rested her head on Stevie's shoulder. 

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm not ready."

"When you are, I'm here. You know that you're the most important person in my life, Stevie."

"I'm telling our parents and Jason you said that."

"Sisters are different."

"I know, Al. Dmitri thinks so too. You're my person."

"So this means yes to matching tattoos!"

"This means I love you and we're at the yogurt place."


End file.
